I have come to a point in my life where I feel totally free and I am loving every bit of my independence. Do you know that you will never know the real value of anything or anyone unless you lose that something or someone? Well that’s how I came to love my freedom. I lost it for quite a while being in the most suffocating, constraining, mentally and emotionally draining relationship. I have felt how it is to have someone try to put my big and bubbly spirit inside a glass jar with teensy weensy holes on the cover.
Walking away from that relationship has been the most relieving experience ever. I felt I just escaped Alcatraz. I felt reborn. I realized how much I value my personal time and personal growth and how much unwilling I am to have my happiness compromised in any way. My adaptability has developed limits and now they are quite well-defined. Now I enjoy just being alone and doing things alone. Travelling, dining out, watching movies, spending weekends…whatever activity you can think of, I totally enjoy with just me, myself and I. I have come to appreciate and value the joys of doing anything I want, anytime I want to and without a single constraint.
I have not always been like this. I was always conscious of settling down at a certain age or sensitive with the fact that most of my friends are married and starting their own families. Now I am 31 and still single, but I am the happiest and the most contented that I have ever been.
That is just what scares me – that I love my freedom too much and I cannot even fathom the thought of having to give that one up. It would take a great man to deal with my unwillingness to be constrained, my unwillingness to compromise my happiness, my now limited adaptability, my value for personal time and my love for a stress-free world. This man, if he ever exists, must love me so much to allow me to grow and must be all-supportive and nurturing, and he must be able to fascinate me for all eternity. It sounds so perfect that it sounds so impossible. But then again if there is such a man that great, then he will deserve nothing, and nothing, but the best from me.
© Karen Cornejo, July 2012